Saturday, October 9
if i lose my temper, i'm sorry. if i walk away abruptly, i'm sorry. if i seem in any way stranger than usual, i'm also sorry. i just don't want to hurt anyone anymore. jean and chris, guess you know now why i was acting so strangely yesterday. it's because of that paper. and what it meant to us all. i just didn't expect.. well never assume. it makes an ass out of u and me. well it made an ass out of me more than you. i'm sorry. i just got scolded by my mum. misunderstandings are so bothersome i just want to walk out and come back when i can actually answer in a civl manner. i don't think i want to do social work anymore. with my kind of temperament, i'd just kill everybody as chris always says. i'll probably take mrs wong's advice and think about psychology. how did my bio teacher even know about my lit? and why did she ask me about shakespear out of the blue? i was kinda stunned, but at least i could answer cos i think about shakespear a lot. but psychology. that would mean i have to do a humance, no? taking triple seems like such a mistake.. until i think of our class, and i realise everything's been worth it. the tears, the sweat, the blood. it's worth even my future. even if i end up doing smth science-y, if the jc won't let me cross fac or do arts. it'll all have been worth it. because of you. i don't mind. this is one thing i don't regret. one of the few these past two years. you know smth? i was scared that day i walked into the classroom 2 years ago. i was afraid because all the prefects (that's half my friends) were at orientation and it was just gen and bev and me. out of our group i mean. and what with my kinda uhh not so good reputation in the level(being outspoken is not an asset when you are an intellectual snob which i'm not now anyway.) i wasn't sure if the others would accept me. hah. same fears now for jc. i'll cross that river when i get to it. even if i remain ostracised (i really can't think of a reason now, no one will know me) i guess i can think back to these happy days and survive. til we meet in uni or smth. will we? i don't really want to leave but it's time to go. we've learnt all we could learn, we must move on. maybe together, maybe not. but no one can ever replace you. they'll just be there, in a different way.
i don't want to be just another face and name in your yearbook. will you remember? cos i will. your names are engraved in gold in my heart.. white gold. we'll sing auld lang syne once again soon. and if you see tears.. i'm not crying, my eyes are leaking, that's all. i love you all.
it must've been love.
9:53 pm
xoxo
